


Bottled Demons (the stubborn lies remix)

by Lets_call_me_Lily



Category: Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616
Genre: Captain America/Iron Man Remix 2018, Gen, Infinity Gems, Pre-Slash, Remix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-03 02:47:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13331880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lets_call_me_Lily/pseuds/Lets_call_me_Lily
Summary: Tony's doing the right thing. Really. He just needs Steve to believe him on this one.





	Bottled Demons (the stubborn lies remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Not Personal (The Denial Remix)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13634133) by [laireshi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/laireshi/pseuds/laireshi). 



> This relay is part of a chain; you can find the full [masterlist](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/Cap_Ironman_Relay_Remix_2018/profile) on the Collection profile page.

Goddamn but he could use a drink right now.

Instead, Tony swills his glass of iced water and continues to stare at a blank screen. It’s blank because what he’s thinking about isn’t – shouldn’t be – written down or typed up. Anywhere.

Tony’s thinking about the time gem, tucked away with its brethren where he can’t be tempted to use them. Tony’s thinking about succumbing to its lure anyway, and he swills his water as a reminder of his commitment not to.

Alcohol’s a different temptation, sure, but it’s been a constant in his life for so long now; that small voice (those many not-so-small voices) telling him how just one sip doesn’t count, reminding him just how much relaxation he can attain with temporary oblivion, convincing him that he has the self-control to stop, seems like it’s always been there. He can withstand it.

This new temptation – he can survive it. He can’t put it out of mind, but he can distract himself, con himself into thinking that he can say no again and again. He’s been saying no for years – to alcohol, to sex after Afghanistan for a while there, to his executive board when they try to convince to make weapons again, to himself all the time. He’s capable of it.

And if he should slip – the results would be – but he won’t slip. He had the gauntlet in his hands and he didn’t slip. He didn’t destroy the gems, true, but.

But the gems aren’t gone because Tony Stark _did the right thing_. Again. He knows it, because he can extrapolate what would happen if there came a time that the gems were needed but no longer existed. It’s easy – total annihilation of the Earth, at the very least. So he couldn’t destroy them. So he didn’t. That’s not being arrogant, that’s just recognizing the truth of the matter.

Tony pictures the time gem, gleaming amber like a half-decent Cointreau, with its warm finish belying the alcohol content and the irreversible dizziness that comes with having gulped it like orange juice on a hot day.

It had been the hardest to relinquish, the hardest to will away when it had been in his grasp, ready to obey. It is the reason why he is sitting here, staring at a blank screen and wishing for strong whiskey served neat. He can do so much with it – he can _change_ things. he can do better this time, with more variables and more knowledge at his disposal. Armed with that dreadful footage of himself cracking, collapsing over Steve’s dead body, he _has_ to do better. Tony can extend his hand earlier, can discuss it with Steve after the first behind-closed-doors meeting ends. Hell, he can be there when Stamford happens, he can stop it from _happening_. He won’t have to keep that weight, the horrors of the worst-case scenarios all to himself; he’ll share the burden and Carol won’t be the only one to believe that he is trying as best he can.

He is so tempted.

But a sip turns into a glass turns into a bottle turns into what is sober anymore? Turns into _dead_. Once Tony concedes, there will be a cascade. He doesn’t want that; he is so tired of trying to atone for all the harm he has done already. That he would do again, probably, under the same circumstances, not knowing how it will turn out.

He knows what has to happen. He mulls it over, who to tell first, which of the Illuminati to approach, and Steve’s spectre rises in his mind. Accusing him of lying, lying and hiding truths and leaving him out. Well. He won’t, not this time. This time he’ll tell the truth. This time he’ll make sure Steve stays safe by giving him a way out no matter what. This time, he’ll put the two things he covets most together and hope like hell that his resolve doesn’t shatter.

He downs his water with a swallow and sighs.

He doesn’t go to sleep, or put make up on to cover up his dishevelment. He does get Jarvis to pick out a suit for him, and takes the accompanying headache pill unprompted.

He goes to knock on Steve’s door.

***

“Hear me out,” Tony says, easy smile and expensive business suit doing nothing to hide how pale he is, how bruised his eyes are. Even in the midst of their war, Steve couldn’t make himself refuse a meeting with Tony to try and talk. He certainly can’t say no now, not with Tony exposing his own vulnerability like this, with a covering of bravado that feels so damn gauzy that it’s made mostly of holes. Surely Steve will see through that.

  
Steve must see though that, because even though he’s scowling and crossing his arms, he says, “go on.”

 


End file.
